Most writers are married, or have a significant other, or someone special in their life (kids, relatives, etc). These people are the cornerstones of our lives, the people who we most trust with our fears, hopes, secrets and welfare. But for many of us, there's someone else.
Me, I'm happily married, but on the side, I have The Other Woman...Becca, my #1 crit partner, blog partner, mentor & friend. Sure, there's a few thousand miles between us. We live in different countries. She hates pickle chips (WHAT is up with that?) but I can overlook it. Why? Without her, I wouldn't be posting this. Without her, I would have given up this path long ago. My husband is my rock, but Becca is the sunlight that gives me strength to keep pursuing this dream called 'Published.'
Every writer should have a Becca. I'll repeat that: EVERY WRITER SHOULD HAVE A BECCA. Our relationship works so well because we trust one another enough to challenge each other to do better. We have honesty, we have respect and we both want the other to succeed as much as we want to succeed ourselves.
So let's take a look at the core elements to a successful Critique Partner relationship: truth, trust, respect, and encouragement.
TRUTH
It's so nice to hear how Angela feels about me, because I feel the same about her. She knows my strengths and weaknesses I think better than I do. Without her encouragement and support, I never would have come back to writing after taking my self-imposed child-bearing break. She, more than any other person on the planet, has made me the writer I am today.
It's so nice to hear how Angela feels about me, because I feel the same about her. She knows my strengths and weaknesses I think better than I do. Without her encouragement and support, I never would have come back to writing after taking my self-imposed child-bearing break. She, more than any other person on the planet, has made me the writer I am today.
But the fact is that I would've known how Angela felt about me without having read this because we've always shared the TRUTH. And that's really important in a successful partnership. There have been times when I've dropped an idea on Angela only to have her say, "Actually, I was thinking along these lines…" IE, Never in a million years would that work. (Diplomacy = another fine quality). You can't get maximum benefit from a working relationship if you're always questioning whether or not the other person is just being nice. Our partnership works because we know the other person is always going to be honest. Always.
TRUST
Once truth is established, another necessary quality is born: TRUST. I trust that Angela is always going to tell me the truth. Because of that truth, I trust her intentions, that she always has my best interests at heart. And I trust that Angela's got my back, because if you can accept brutal honesty 24/7 for months on end, you come to really appreciate the person who values you enough to keep giving it, and you'll stand up for them whenever the opportunity arises.
RESPECT
Respect is really paramount to any crit partner relationship. Without it, the other elements cannot form. Respect is twofold--making sure to always acknowledge the time and effort someone has put into their work and to understand that what one is critiquing is a direct product of the other writer's passion. This means never ridiculing or demeaning the other person's efforts. When Becca hands me a project, well I'm giddy because I know it will be good because she has a great imagination & command of writing. But at the same time, Becca, just like me, is a writer-in-progress and there will be issues I'll pick up on. Being respectful of her and writing means being respectful of her journey as a writer. Any feedback I offer is always focused on the work, never the person or their skill level.
ENCOURAGEMENT
The writer's road is rocky, and a critique partner can really be a key contributor to a writer's ability to stay focused and motivated to continue. In my case, well, it's been a long time since I stepped onto the path. There were plenty of times when I thought about quitting, or questioned my own abilities, wondering if I was deluded by thinking I can do this. Every time I falter, Becca's there to pick me up. She reminds me of why I started this journey with her, and how hard we've worked to get here. She pumps me up, reminding me of my successes. Encouragement is paramount to succeeding as a writer. Your critique partner should always support you, listen to your doubts and worries, and wave the pom poms to get you back on your feet again.
Final Thoughts: If you have a critique partner that you value more than bacon (which is THE ULTIMATE as we all know), then you were probably nodding your head as you read this. If maybe you haven't found that perfect match, keep at it! Writing is tough, and while we all need a cheering section, we need someone who challenges us to be our very best even more. Depending on whether you write for children or adults, there are loads of associations and critique groups to get involved with. If you are a children's writer, I strongly recommend hanging out at Verla Kay's Blue Board, and also searching the SCBWI forums (if you are a member). If you write for adults, Becca and I both recommend joining The Critique Circle. This site is for all genres and ages (except erotica), has over 2000 members, a top of the line, password-protected critiquing system...and happens to be where Becca and I met. :)
All the best!
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